Valentine's Day Tips for Dudes and Dummies

by Travis Runion

Men, we are about a week away from Valentine’s Day.  I don’t know how you and your wife view this event, but it can be the source of an overwhelming amount of “drama” if not managed well.  So, let me encourage you as men to step up and take the lead this year. I also want to present tips and ideas that could help you win the day and maybe the entire year.

As we discussed in a previous post, there are several areas of life (the BIG ROCKS) that we must give highest and first priority in our lives, and your marriage relationship is one of those BIG ROCKS.  Giving highest and first priority starts with putting some time and sweat into strengthening your marriage. Remember the principle from Stephen Covey’s illustration, “If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you won’t fit them in at all.”  

As you carve out time in preparation for Valentine’s Day, here are four tips to help you focus.

#1 - Doing Nothing is Not Acceptable

I know, this should be Chapter 1 of “Valentine’s Day for Dummies” by Captain Obvious, but many guys get punked by this lie each year.   Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that this day doesn’t matter. It does. As a loyal husband to a faithful wife, you are the ONLY person she will be (or should be) receiving gifts of love and admiration from.  Even if she sounds like she doesn’t want anything on this commercialized and contrived day, ignore that. You don’t want her to be the only one in her workplace or friend group who received nothing that day. Trust me, Facebook and Instagram will expose your lack of action.

#2 - Master the Basics

At the very least, your Valentine’s Day gift should include a love note and a gift (flower, chocolate, charm, etc).  The gift doesn’t have to break the bank, but the love note (or love letter for you over-achievers) should involve some time and thoughtfulness.  Your words are (or should be) powerful and carry heavy weight to the hearts of your wife and children.

A thoughtful and sincere love note will cover these basic topics:

  • What do you love and admire about your wife? 

  • What are you thankful for in her? 

  • How do you delight in her? 

  • What does she do that deserves your praise and appreciation? 

  • What are you looking forward to in your years ahead together?  

  • Finally, be sure to reaffirm your love and devotion to her alone. 

For you guys with just a few words, all this can fit in a single paragraph. If you have daughters, they need one too. So, get after it.

#3 - Be an expert on your wife

Most guys love being an expert on something - whitetails, largemouths, rainbows & browns, xbox & ps4, smoked meats, firearms, putters & drivers - you get the idea.  What if you shifted some of that time and mental energy into studying your wife. Do you know her favorite color, candle scent, music, sweet treat, or lunch spot? Do you know how she likes her coffee or tea?  Do you know what attracts her to you?  

If you hunt deer, I’ll wager you know more of these particulars about that 10-point you’re after.  I have actually put raccoon urine on my clothes for the remote chance that some big ugly hairy wild pig would chase me into the woods.  What crazy things have you done in your pursuit of things of far less value than your spouse?

So get back in school and start studying.  If you can’t figure things out, just ask her.  The key here is that all of this takes time and effort.

#4 - Don't forget the one gift that trumps all others

Here is where the BIG ROCKS idea can really make an impact.  You already have an invaluable gift ready to be given to your spouse you just need to be intentional about it.  That gift is TIME. I want to challenge you to put the BIG ROCK of marriage into your “time” jar first. Go ahead and block out chunks of time in your schedule that are devoted just to your wife.  

Let’s start with each day and move forward.  Could you spare just 30 minutes (yes that’s sarcasm) to sit on the couch (put on a video for the kids) and talk about her day?  Could you carve out an hour each weekend to talk through plans for the coming week? Could you go ahead and block out a date night once or twice a month?  Could you find one weekend (or two, or four) in the coming year to get away for two nights?

Get your weekly, monthly and yearly calendars out and put those dates and times down.  I have found that if I block those days now, it is more likely to happen than if I wait for our schedule to open up. You know as well as I do, the schedule never opens up.  

We are back to the same BIG ROCKS principle.  “If you don’t put the BIG ROCKS in first, you won’t fit them in at all.”  The key here guys is to move; take action and move toward your spouse. We are commanded in Ephesians 5:25 to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”  We are obeying God when we sacrifice ourselves for our wives.

Just imagine how much stronger your marriage would be this time next year if you gave your wife high priority, expressed words of praise and admiration, became an expert on your wife, and devoted hours and days to strengthening your relationship with her.  With a little bit of thoughtfulness, effort, and planning you can not only win Valentine’s Day but the entire year.

Let's Get to Work,

Travis Runion
3GEN Ministries

Travis Runion